Samstag, 06.02.2010 18:54 Uhr
Ines Kistenbrügger Sabet

Girlfriends

A few days ago there was a letter in my mail box. A new neighbor invited me to a coffee party with all other women of our new neighborhood that is Sleepy Hollow. On a Tuesday. At 10am.

The letter started with "Girlfriends ! It is time to chat." First of all. You do not know me. Do not call me girlfriend. Second of all. I have other things to do at 10am on a Tuesday morning. Working for example.

Why is it that stay at home moms have this particular impression that all mothers need to be the same way? That staying at home while kids are off to kindergarten or school, doing laundry all day, cleaning, or just plainly hanging up on Facebook is a valuable activity to pass time?

It makes me mad to think that I am now stuck in a neighborhood where all other women see their jobs in keeping the house clean, being a wife and maybe some charity or social work. Maybe some of these are involved in their kid's school and I would bet that all of them are decent scrap bookers.

I hate scrap booking. Even though I can admire the artistic creations of others. It is not how I want to spend my free time.

Nevertheless, I should not do the same mistake by putting all stay at home mothers into the same box. However, sometimes it is hard not to.

One of my (former) best friends one day asked me seriously how I do actually feel about not supporting my children with my most possible effort? I was in shock by this question and did not even answer. Just because I like to be a good role model to society and kids through being one of the few female high achieving employees of the auto industry does not mean that I let my own kids spend their days without affection, attention, and support. There are still weekends, evening, vacations, and holidays, people. Seriously, these days exist. They are not just a myth.

I do have a partner who supports me in every possible way. He leaves work when kids are sick, he lets me go to the Gym or out with friends, or he just plainly watches stupid movies with me if I feel like it. Yes, we both share responsibilities. He cleans the house, he mows the lawn, and he still finds time to go to the Gym himself, to play with the kids, or take them our for fun stuff.

We are an equal opportunity household.

I am quite aware that not everyone needs and wants to work full time. And nobody has to. But I personally like it. I like being challenged and I like to feel the sweet sensation that comes from accomplishing something good at work.

And here is my word of warning for every woman who leaves her job as soon as kids are on their way. No man is a financial plan. Your husband might be a top achiever, earning all the money the two of you need, and he even might like you. Is that enough, though? I know some of you might answer with a Yes, others might not know. And that is okay. For you. Not for me.

I personally like to know that I can survive without a husband. It makes me like him more as I am not dependent on him. If he gets sick, loses his job, or plainly wants to explore other options, I can support him easily. And that is a freedom I do not want to miss. And that he would do the same for me puts me at peace.

Families live in accordance with their own social values and following their ideal models. My model includes working. And I am neither an exception, nor particularly odd, or out of line. It is just how my family is.

So please, do not invite me to a Tuesday morning coffee to introduce me to the neighborhood. If you are really interested in knowing me and not just plainly adding another "Alike" to your group, find a time where a working person can attend, too. What about a Saturday or an evening?

And yes. My kids are supported. They do their sports, crafts, play outside, and learn how to swim. And they get fed, wear clean clothes (at least they are clean when they put them on in the morning), and do not live in a pigsty.

Because - guess what?

If you actually work you can afford a cleaning lady and housekeeper, so you can actually enjoy the time with your kids in the best possible way.

And I hate cleaning. Who does not?

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